Too Hot To Handle

I have never eaten a hot chili pepper in my life.And I never will.
I came as close as I ever did yesterday at East New York Farms annual Hot Chili Pepper Eating Contest.
East New York Farms Project organizes youth & adults to address food justice in our community by promoting local sustainable agriculture & community-led economic development, & yes I just copied that off their website www.eastnewyorkfarms.org

I woke up in the morning thinking, "Yeah, I can eat hot peppers...if I get drunk enough!" Turns out I can't get that drunk.Plus, my breakfast of a chicken patty topped with melted mozzarella cheese(& a dash of white pepper) gave me some serious stomach pains.Imagine if I ate a hot pepper?
The guy who won, Alba, looked very familiar to me.I think I went through Central Booking with him.(If I didn't I apologize, Alba.)

I hadn't been to Brooklyn in months & had a good time with the friendly folks there.Maybe next time I'll work up the courage to actually eat a pepper!

This Is How Dirtbag Perverts Live:

Do you know what this video tells me?That this loser has completely given up hope of ever getting laid again.If you're a single guy you absolutely HAVE to keep your place clean-you never know when you're going to meet someone & bring her home.
Here, as promised, are some of the comments this monster has sent me:
Your mother sucks cocks in hell u guinea bastard---I fucked your niece up the ass wanna see the video?Her pussy smelled like you 2 inch dick---i just saw the video of seiken sucking your momma cock after she had her sex change operation---i sucked your mama ass the other day and it tasted real good
There's many more, but they are basically the same thing.It's obvious this putz has a very limited vocabulary & he is completely talentless & non-creative.
I almost feel sorry for him because I know these put-downs come out of jealousy.
He is so jealous of my musical talent, my good looks, my writing ability, & everything else that I can do & he can't that he has to resort to childish name-calling & posting lies about me.
I just laugh it off

As Hammer said, "Can't Touch This!"

One Word: PERVERT

I apologize in advance for the pictures you are about to see.It's because they are of the most disgusting thing on the face of the Earth.

A subhuman pervert named Brian Seiken.
It's already well known that he's the biggest coward & liar on this planet so let's focus today on what a sickie this dirtbag is.
OCT. 2: For starters, here are some of the comments this creep has sent to me:
He's called me "dick sucking faggot, pathetic homeless faggot, queero, toothless homeless faggot, balding homo, faggot motherfucker[doesn't even make sense], stink breath weirdo, ugly fagg" & endless variations on these themes.
First of all, I was homeless for about 2 seconds after I got out of jail.I walked the streets for 3 days & nights trying to decide if I was going to carry out my plan to get revenge against another competitive eater who shall remain nameless.My sister begged me to live with her in Long Island & finally realizing I couldn't go through with it I called her & she drove in to pick me up.(It's all in my book, 'The Sweet Stalker', soon to be published).
I have lived for the past two years in Queens, near the Nassau County border in a cozy little apartment(my roommate moved out more than a year ago).I would bet everything I own that my place is, if not bigger, certainly cleaner than where this dirtbag lives.

COMING TOMORROW: The perverted things Seiken has written about my mother & other family members.

Be Happy-Don't Sulkin!

Hey guys, how would you like to wake up in the morning next to this?

I think I'd rather have my nuts cut off!
The good news is I hear she's now available for parties-where she will shove hot dogs in the orifice of your choosing.
Call Maria Sulkin at 973-473-4549 & you too can be part of the UnEdible Experience!
UPDATE:I just heard Pat(Deep Dirt) is dating Maria(The Incredible Walking Blow-Job)Sulkin.
This is why Pat will never be #1.Joey dates nice girls, Pat dates prostitutes.Let's face it, that girl would sell her ass for a hot dog if it got her some attention.That's how it is when you have no talent-she can't sing, can't dance, can't act, what the fuck can she do?
She doesn't have a good enough face to be a real model so she has to pay people to take pictures of her & pretend to be a "local celebrity".
    Pathetic.

Public Enemy # 1

I wrote a response to a comment on EatFeats but of course OJ wouldn't post it.Here's what I wrote:

A ticket scalper is not a ticket broker.Ticket brokers pay taxes.Menchetti is a scalper.He doesn't pay taxes on his illegally gained $.Watch his audition for America's Got Talent & check out the guilty look on his face when he has to lie to the celebrity panel about his profession.Are you out there IRS?This guy needs an audit RIGHT NOW.
  Ticket scalpers are the lowest scum on the face of the Earth.They are unessecary and contribute nothing to society except to put $ in their own pocket.Makes you wonder how a person could sink so low that the only way they could make a buck is to cheat people out of their hard earned dough.But this is what people who have absolutely no talent, no skill, do.They are scrape the bottom of the barrel bottom feeders.They are creatively void robbers. But hey, fat bastards have to feed their fat families, right?                                                                                                                                                     Joe Menchetti is a criminal.A two-bit criminal, but a criminal, nonetheless.
  But the word that describes him best is cheater.
  We've already established he cheats the government by making money illegally & not paying taxes on it.
How about those contest winnings?Does anybody think he pays taxes on those?
And how do you think he wins those contests?
Someone who has known him for many years tells me the only reason he does so well in eating contests is because he has found the perfect combination of muscle relaxers, steroids,laxative, & Viagra.Without the aid of his 'eater's cocktail' he would be just another fat slob.
He also cheats on his wife any chance he gets.
I have witnessed him trying to pick up any hole that can stand his stench.
I'll never forget a teary eyed CE groupie telling me G-Joe said he was gonna leave his wife for her.I told her that's what all cheaters say but she insisted they were in love.
How'd that work out for you, SJS?
When last we heard she was still waiting for the louse to leave his fat, disgusting wife.
I shouldn't goof on Tracey, she deserves as much pity as you could spare, I mean after all she pays the bills in the household while her hygiene challenged hubby uses his ill gotten $ to wine & dine & try to convince any dumb broad he can that he's a big shot.
  So let's summarize:
He cheats the general public, he cheats the government, he cheats at eating contests & he cheats on his wife.

Yeah, he's a real Gentleman.LOL
COMING SOON:complete transcripts of my facebook conversation with MenCheater...

The Last Rose Of Summer

To everyone who clicked this link hoping to read something horrible, here it is:
            YOU'VE BEEN PLAYED!
The post that was previously here was written for a very specific reason:To push your buttons.
            MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
I knew that upon reading it some seiken would post the link on EatFeats.
I also knew that some self sanctified holier than thou asshole would condemn it.
'The Real Deal' indeed!
I've said it before & I'll say it again:Competitive Eating is the lowest form of entertainment & people who follow it are the dumbest folks in the world.
I hope to make fun of each & every one of you in the future.(I should live so long.)
What really makes me laugh is there was 2 big contests this week & my sources tell me I was the major topic of conversation at both of them.
Nobody cares who won cannolis or dumplings or whatever.
They want the dirt.
The low down filthy dirt.
And I am going to bring it to you.

Stay tuned, Shitheads!
P.S. The reason 'Gentleman' Joe Mencheater lost yesterday was because of me.He was so busy looking around to see where I was he couldn't concentrate.THE CURSE OF GAVONNE LIVES! I am going to write an expose on him soon that will make that two-bit ticket scalping crook cry.Take a shower, G-Jo U STINK!!!

MEAT OF THE MONTH

Every month CE Confidential will feature one of the most interesting competitive eaters & get down deep with them.Coming soon:'Gentleman " Joe Menchetti * Joel "The Cannon" Podelsky * & many more!